Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Ups and downs of the writer

Today, I am very happy with my writing and I'd spent more than 10 hours polishing my words and updating my blogs. What I happy day was it. Tomorrow is another day. Eventually, tomorrow I will be very unhappy with what I've done not only yesterday, but from the very first day when I decided to start a writing career. After 2 days, I will be offered more reasons to feel so, as a very rude contractor despised my work done and also forgot or refused to pay. The next days I start feeling better, but I work one day for a ridiculous pay. It is already Friday and I will go offline to relax for a while. And on Sunday, the marry-go-round starts again. To be continued...
How many times I've went through this schizophrenic unhappiness. For around one year I survived exclusively on writing, refusing obstinately to take any other non-writing assignments. I knew how good I can be doing PR and how much money I can get out of it, therefore any contact with that world will not bring anything good for my other side of my writing personality.
I improved a lot and as a non-English speaker, I find from time to time reasons to be at peace with my achievements. But it is enough to read an article written exactly as I would like to write one day that will make me fell low and completely unprepared for my full time writing career. Did I enter too late this fight for being able to get the professional path I think it is the best for me?
Where are my pitches? How many serious freelance articles I wrote in the last months? Where are my book plans? Maybe I should stop harassing myself. Maybe it is enough to do my best to improve my writing each day and give hope a chance. But to be honest, I am not too much used with waiting. I don't like the insecurity of it. And my mediocre career in the last 2 years. I did grow a lot spiritually and got a deep understanding of things. I did a lot of travels and met wonderful people, but I want to do more, to feel again the comfort of a glamorous job and of a daily schedule. 
Something is not settled yet, I continue to whisper myself every week. The next time perhaps will get better. I feel it goes better and I love more my stylish turnarounds and word juggling. I feel more at home with English and more rich to express feelings and describe situations. From time to time I even publish successfully. 
I will continue to read more and write even more and be more stubborn. And will find new fantastic jobs hoping that a full time project for the next 3-4 months is waiting for me. Can't wait for the next stage.    

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