The re-written diary of a year of passion with a Soviet diplomat in Paris in the last years of the Soviet Union, Getting Lost by Annie Ernaux, translated from French by Alyson L. Strayer, and published by Fitzcarraldo Editions sounded for me a bit different compared to other works by Ernaux I´ve read until now.
It lacks the global perception of political events that I appreciated so dearly in The Years and has a more fragmentary character, mostly diary entries, unfiltered passions put on paper, shortly oder later after the encounters with S. It also has the mark of time, a stamp of desperation for getting older and out of the reach of passion. Thus, the passions are dissected in a more existential way, as signs of her own´s entrance into the old age, out of passion, out of desire.
´To lose a man´s to age several years in a fell swoop, grow older by all the time that did not pass when he was there, and the imagined years to come´. There is a desperate emptiness of time being out of love, a sadness of the flesh and lack of focus of the mind. There is a certain confusion of feelings, caught between passion and the post-making love mixed feelings. ´After all, he came here to my home, he sometimes said ´I love you´, he desired me, a lot...´
The part that for me was by far the most interesting in this book concerns the extensive mention of her dreams.
Ernaux, almost fifty, divorced with two grown up sons, met S. on a trip to Soviet Union in 1988, organised for French writers. Their relationship, probably not exclusive, continued for one year almost, with she waiting for him to be called from a public phone to be announced his couple of hours short visits. Sometimes, they met at events at the Soviet embassy. She found out that he left the country after calling herself the embassy. However, she sent him a post card to the embassy from Abu Dhabi. He was married and she met his wife once or two.
I had recently the chance to hear some recordings collected on Antologie Sonore du Socialisme, a selection of French-speaking oral archives about the socialism - and communism as well. At the society level in France, there is an obvious sympathy or even belief in the ideas that were freely distributed later - in a more or less distorted way - by the Soviet Union. The representative of French intelligentsia, among which Ernaux, were definitely on this side of history, although the diary, and no other book I´ve read by her for now, do not obviously pledge a political cause. She has some doubts once in a while that her lover may have some KGB-esque involvement. Indeed, love may make you blind and why should I expect a real engagement of ideas when passion is always stronger.
It is only passion featured in this book and it may be so the way things are sometimes. My mind is too political sometimes and I expect some hard political conversation after the act of love is consumed. There is none and although I may continue to be a big fan of Ernaux, I may have some ideological doubts on the left way of thinking and passionately living.
Rating: 3.5 stars
Disclaimer: Book offered by the publisher in exchange for an honest review
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