How to Grow Out of the Emotionally Absent Mother

 

Many children whose parents were born or grew up during terrible circumstances, like wars, political and social hardships do experienced mothers and fathers mostly emotionally distant if not utterly absent. It is mostly true, but on the other hand, those of us, parents living in economically stable countries, do have the priviledge of long-term paid maternal leave and various priviledges affording more time spent with our children. Although it does not necessarily implies that we are emotionally ready for a genuine connection with your parents.

In The Emotionally Absent Mother Jasmin Lee Cori offer not only an overview of the symptoms and manifestations of the childhood drama, but also very intelligent and inspired ways of healing - including through exercises listed at the end of each chapter. 

Optimistically, she assumes that ´it is never too late to have a happy childhood´ and learn to take care of yourself, but I presume that this book can be mostly the beginning of acknowledging one´s problems as overcoming the serious emotional dryness of the first years of life cannot be done properly without a therapeutical help. 

Especially if you are a parent yourself and dream of offering your children a different childhood than yours, it´s better to start this introspection process earlier, preferably before the start of your parenting. Healing may take longer than expected. Coming at terms with your own past and at the same time trying to understand the reasons why your mother was distant - her own trauma, social pressure, immaturity etc. - and stop blaming yourself for not being good enough it´s one stage of the process. Learning to value yourself and even accept your mother back into your life - if you are lucky enough to still have her - is another stage. An important step of this new start is also learning empathy and practising a new and different perception of yourself and your body.

It´s both an useful and inspiring reading which may help you understand your own situation but equally to see it in a larger social and personal historical perspective. At the same time, it gives us hope that with compassion and patience, we can turn the experience into a personal gain and move forward with grace and wisdom.

Rating: 5 stars